Thursday, June 4, 2009
When thought is brought upon my earnest mind
To take a chance to dance with her, that girl,
My heart doth pound. This girl, so rare a find,
Arrests my heart and puts my mind in whirl.
‘Tis Prom, the night where dreams take course and live.
How luck has found me in my turn! Awake!
This dream, however wished, has yet to give.
For time draws near to ask. Fresh courage take!
In fear I look appalled upon my face,
Its ugliness diminishes my hope.
How can I ask a goddess of my race
And in return expect but uttered, “Nope!”?
Shrewd Shakespeare’s lark saved him from all despair.
Keen Spenser’s hope, renewed by pausing deer.
How will the girl that God has made so fair
Treat my ardent endeavor? ‘Tis my fear.
Today she cast her matchless eyes my way.
How lost became I in that piercing sea.
And yet in them I found a subtle ray
That made the faintness in my shy heart flee.
The time has come to take the plunge. I gasp
As frigid waters hit. Jessica Chee,
Please carefully consider this. I ask:
Oh Belle, will you please go to Prom with me?
So she said yes, luckily, despite my desperate pleadings. The date was probably the most fun date I've ever been on. We had a war with nerf guns, rode horses and just played and had fun. Here are some pictures of us at dinner, right before the dance. Enjoy.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thinning the Herd: Eliminating Those Who Are a Drain Upon Our Society, Thereby Raising the Value of Life, Providing Natural Resources, and Improving Our Nuclear Weapon System
A Discourse on Abortion
Upon a chance, my mind has strayed to the thought of the value of life in our society. Of how much worth is a life anyway? I cast my eyes around and found an answer to my query. The answer was in the headline of a newspaper: ‘Abortion Increases as Obama Takes Office.’ If mothers are allowed to murder their unborn children, then of what value is life? Obviously, the value of life is on a huge rise. After all, much like the Supply and Demand formula, the fewer there are of us, the more we are worth. With this thought in mind, abortion becomes totally logical. We need to rid ourselves of those who are a burden upon society and are a drain on our hard-earned tax money and limited natural resources. After much consideration, I have come up with a master plan to aid the country in the decision of eliminating those in society we do not need. I propose Project Thinning the Herd.
Project Thinning the Herd is quite simple. Who are the feeble in society? Who cannot support themselves or other people around them? The country has already come up with one such group: unborn infants. They obviously are quite dependent on their mothers, both before birth and after. By eliminating them, we eliminate the burden that many otherwise free women in our society have. I could discourse longer upon other reasons; however, today’s society has already labored on that topic for at least nine months. I have come up with another dependent group: the elderly. I propose that once someone has passed the level of being able to support one’s own person and has to rely on other sources, such as Medicare or Social Security, then that someone be removed from society altogether. To prevent confusion on when the independent actually becomes dependent, a standard of the age 65 or after the first stroke, whichever comes first, will be the standard time to thin the herd of that specific burden. Those who love the idea of abortion will readily accept this plan, seeing how close it is to what they are doing.
Those who are at or above the age of 65, or those who have suffered a stroke, will likely not adhere with the said plan. Therefore, I am willing to provide a list of different and creative methods that will make the old buzzards kick the bucket. Recent studies show that 85% of men and women above the age of 63 require some sort of medication. After Googling prices for cyanide and arsenic, I have found that a relatively inexpensive way is to lace the pills being taken. This is an inexpensive method that provides great results, with little gruesome side effects. What about the elusive 15% who do not take medication? Well, they are probably concocting their own natural and herbal remedies, in which case they will be dead in a more reliable and natural fashion much more quickly. For those who think that this method is too inhumane, I have come up with alternatives. One of my favorites is the Dr. Kevorkian Method, which is either to disconnect the IV tube or trip over the oxygen tank cord while trying to stab them with a needle. I can’t remember which one it is. Another one of the more popular methods is what I like to call the Obaminator. Simply take an old man, preferably one who has frequent contact with the Republican Party, and thoroughly interrogate him using questionable methods, such as water boarding and simulated slapping, to see if he had anything to do with the shady circumstances surrounding
After one of these methods is used and the desired effect is reached, the bodies will be amassed into a single chamber, where a fuse is lit. The smoke will then set turbines spinning, generating electricity. If all goes well, it should power up to one-third of the
There are a few more ways to aid the country in controlling the population and increasing the value of life. Transients are a perfect target. Simply offer them one-way tickets to a city in
Sunday, January 11, 2009
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (combined with an orchestra)
4. Visited Hawaii (heck yes)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain (Piccacho Peak counts, right?)
9. Held a praying mantis (and pinned it to my bug collection)
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I wish)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Been to more than forty-five states (I just lack Wisconsin, Alaska, Oregon and Washington
20. Slept on an overnight train (I slept on a daytime one)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb (I've pet one before)
26. Gone skinny dipping (I can explain: I live at home, alone a lot of the time, and we have an indoor pool and the windows have curtains. So it was more like taking a bath. In a big bathtub.)
27. Run a HALF Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (with a girl, or in baseball?)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (and felt them)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (In England)
35. Seen an Amish community (every Sunday on the way to church in PA)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (I won't be satisfied until I'm a billionaire)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (Does a caricature count?)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Ridden on a ferris wheel
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (snorkeling rocks!)
52. Kissed in the rain (What?)
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (do homevideos and school videos count?)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving (I wish!)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades (I love alligators)
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (I broke my brother's finger, though.)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (hiked it, Rim to Rim)
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Seen Mount Rushmore in person
101. Learned to play an instrument
I now challenge Michelle to do this. Love you all.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
He's a stalker.
He needs a woman.
And a shave.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
To be, or not to be. That is the question. Whether tis nobler to suffer the tiny BB's of the outrageous air rifle, or to live with the question of 'Do I really want to live in shrubbery grown by a septic tank?' His life; it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The dust devils, the jackalopes, the wind whistling through enormous ears that pick up the melodic sounds of gigantic dogs in rapid rabid pursuit. What are men compared to rocks and rottweillers? Would a rabbit by any other name be as spastic? But the rabbit, he took the road more traveled by, and that has made the difference of six inches under. To err is human, to be an Eyre is divine, and to be a rabbit kind of stinks. Bilbo Baggins lived in a hole, not a sandy shallow hole, or a nasty damp muddy hole, not even a hobbit hole, but a rabbit hole. He came to the yard to live deliberately, to suck all the marrow out of the dandelions. Alas, that was his great mistake. And his last one. For then he made like Bambi's mom and got shot. But do not mourn, for that is the great circle of life, the destiny of the Lagomorpha. And so we bid adieu to this most noble of cottontails, to this champion of the oppressed and the hunted. May you live on to run in the great Septic Tank Swamp of the sky. Adieu, adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
An Essay About Life, Or Man’s Great Journey
The Knights of the Round Table once sought a Holy Grail. Frodo Baggins once traveled to the land of Mordor to destroy the Ring. Moses once led millions of people to freedom. The Achaeans once launched a thousand ships to recover a woman. These are all great quests; one could even go as far as saying the greatest of quests. But are they really the greatest journeys?
I am the youngest of eight children in my family. All seven of my older siblings are perfect, or within grasp of that goal. They each have their lives planned out and are well on their way to finish their plans. They all know who they are and what they want to do. There is much expected of me, being the youngest. I am to have learned from all of them. I am supposed to take all of their good traits and combine them. In other words, I am supposed to be Superman, or the Hulk without anger issues. I am supposed to be the perfect child of the family, if perfection can attain greater perfection. But the truth is I am not perfect. And however similar I am to my siblings, I am not one of them. I am my own self, I have my own identity. I think for myself. Ego cogito, ergo sum.
But who am I? How do I answer this question? Where do I start? Or, more importantly, where do I finish? The start may be the beginning of my life, the moment of my birth. From that moment, I began to discover myself. To learn is to grow, and in growing, reflection occurs. And in that reflection is the answer to the question. Our own experiences teach us, but our decisions in those experiences mold who we really are. To find myself, I need not lean on others, no matter how strong and firm they are. Yes, I may learn from them and can even grow from their experiences. But I cannot rely on them to find myself, for no matter how similar I am to them, I am different. The journey for knowing who we truly are can only be made by one person. Me. Not my friends, though they be great, wise, and caring; not my family, though they know me best, love me the most, and truly desire to see me succeed as they have; but me. I am the gatekeeper of my own destiny.
I can imagine a throng of learned men, discussing the achievements of my siblings. They go through each one, highlighting triumphs and searching in vain for weaknesses or faults. Valedictorian here, All-State choir member there, future leader in any worthy category of life. Finally, they reach the bottom of the barrel. They look to each other and ask, “What has become of the youngest one? The eighth of the eight? What has he done? What progress has he made in obtaining perfection?” A hush comes over the congregated crowd, who had been earlier declaiming the accolades of the individuals of the family. All expect great speeches of daring deeds and chivalrous acts. But the silence continues, for no one can truly answer. I myself do not know. But how am I to find out? I am Victor Frankenstein, bringing life to my creation. I am Hercules, staring into the six eyes of Cerberus, gatekeeper of Hades. I am Thomas Jefferson, dipping my quill into the ink as I begin one of the world’s greatest documents. The stage is set, the company banded. Thus begins the greatest quest of all.